Is “Dear Future Husband” Sexist?

In a word, Yes.

Megan Trainor, as all who love to bob their heads and snap their fingers along to her music know, hit it big with “All About That Bass” before releasing her debut album earlier this year. Included was the track “Dear Future Husband,” a litany (that I assume is supposed to be, like, cute, or something?) of requirements for any suitor to succeed in having and (especially) holding her for all eternity.

Upon my first listen, I sort of huffed at the more blatantly sexist bits. Lines like “After every fight just apologize…even if I’m wrong / you know I’m never wrong,” and of course “Just buy me a ring, buy / buy me a ring” sort of got my goat from the start, but the tune was catchy and I liked “Bass” well enough to forgive what seemed to be a few lines poorly considered but mostly harmless.

Well, then I saw the video. It’s her usual so-vibrant-you’ll-burn-your-retinas set, 1950s-retro-ish vibe and choreographed storyline. The video itself isn’t awful for the most part: She requires her future man to roll in with a constant stream of gifts as well as be physically strong to the max (one possible suitor at the carnival tries his hand at the Strongman Game, only to fall short of the bell at the top, which, apparently, is absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. *initiate Valley Girl voice* FAILL!).

And that’s not the worst. Somehow for me, watching music videos makes me understand the lyrics more clearly, even when they’re muddled in my ear up till that point. So the first line that I had heard as, “Take me on a date / I deserve to pay” and had struck me as a compromise with some of the worse lyrics, actually goes “Take me on a date / I deserve it, babe.” Which is funny, because she quite literally goes straight into a (perfectly reasonable) point about how because she works a 9-to-5 just like him, she won’t be “home and making apple pies.” So, they both make money, but he is the only one who should spend any.

Huh?

Then I noticed the line a bit more than halfway through about how “And we’ll never see your family more than mine.”

Seriously?

As someone in a relationship in which both of our families live several hours away in opposite directions, this is a very real issue, and this line will probably keep me from ever listening to the song again. For a long time, we did visit my family a lot more often, mostly because of convenience and because we had specific reasons to go to Baton Rouge over Tuscaloosa —  not really because of any requisite that my family see more of us than his. Lately, we’ve been seeing much more of his family. And that’s important: We both love our families dearly and miss them when they’re not around, we both value our relationships with our parents and siblings, and we have to work to make sure we see everyone on a regular basis.

So for this lyric to pop up at all, but certainly as some requirement or demand for a lasting, loving relationship with this chick, infuriates me.

I could go on to talk about her lines that treat sex as a bartering tool, but you know what, I don’t live that way, but it works for some people. What. Ever.

What’s worse is the overall message outside of individual lyrics just exudes “I’m better than you.” As I mentioned before, she works and makes money, but expects the dude to pay for everything, including “flowers every anniversary.” She knows that if they ever argue, it’s his fault and he should just accept it *z-snap*. Lines I had taken in jest before seem a lot more malicious now with some of the others thrown in the mix.

Why is it alright for women – and this song particularly – to pick and choose the qualities of the men they want in their lives, but if men do the same thing they’re chauvinist pigs? I, for one, think it’s perfectly natural to have some preferences, both physical and otherwise, when it comes to your partner and your relationship. I have a thing for guys with long hair, for instance, and I always believed I’d end up with that quintessential “nerdy guy” in every college movie ever. I don’t like to cook, so a dude who would cook for me has been a plus but certainly not a requirement. Boyfriend prefers blondes and women between a size 8 and 14 (approximately), and he wanted to find a woman who is physically affectionate with hand-holding, shoulder rubs and kisses. And that’s fine. People can’t be attracted to everyone all the time – that’s insane.

What’s even more insane? People are calling this video (video, not song) sexist, but not because she puts down men…But because she’s scrubbing the floor and “implying that all women should be domestic housewives.” To me, I hate the reasoning that because women were stunted into those roles in the past, to encourage those roles at all is therefore sexist and antifeminist. If M. Train wants to be a housewife, who is anyone to say she’s wrong for that? I’ve been told many times that because I want to be a wife and mother (in addition to having a career), I’m antifeminist. I don’t care that she’s at home cooking or cleaning: Maybe that’s what she wants in life, and that is okay. What’s not okay is that apparently, she demands that her future husband worship her and pay for everything while being a subservient, apologetic lump. That expectation is ridiculous, and I hate that people have completely glossed over it.

I’ve said it many times, and I’ll say it many more before I’m done: Sexism is a two-way street, and to ignore half the problem gets us as a society absolutely nowhere. People absolutely lose their minds over any song by a man that has even a hint of sexism, but blatant sexism like this goes unchecked because it came from a woman. That is unacceptable, and there are two ways to change this: Either ease off on the ridiculous criticism of men in regards to (mostly imagined) sexism, or amp up the criticism of women who behave the same way.

Only by addressing problems faced by both sexes (and all genders) can we, as a global community, actually improve the problem. Until then, well, at least there’s some catchy music to listen to, right?

Sexism: Did You Know it Has Two Sides?

Today, many of my friends on Facebook posted this link, which is basically a “quiz” on Buzzfeed asking if people can guess what sexist advertisements are actually selling. I’ll let you take a look for yourself, and I can’t lie: These are inherently sexist ads. Some are even disgusting. But I have a major problem with this article, which is the fact that Buzzfeed and feminists in general are gung-ho and ready to point to every instance of sexism toward women – imagined or real, minor or extreme – while utterly, completely ignoring or discounting sexism against men.

Because let’s be real – men are never sexually objectified in advertising, right?

Kraft sure knows how I want my salad dressed (or undressed….)

This is how I expect MY favorite leggings brand to catch my eye…

Quite literally a sexual object, and that’s the point.

Selling a…family board game?

Sexism is not a “women’s issue,” despite what activists will say. Everyone – every person, man or woman or in between – has experienced sexism. Whether it’s telling male rape victims that they should be happy they got laid, girls being shamed for their clothing, a court favoring a woman in a custody hearing simply because she is a woman or someone assuming a man is stronger simply because he is a man, sexism reaches beyond sex or gender: It’s nearly a universal experience, and that is not a good thing.

This approach – this determination to prove sexism against women by drudging up any and all possible sources while remaining unfettered by the problems that face the men – is precisely why I cannot identify as a feminist. Until they make drastic strides toward actually promoting gender equality – you know, for both genders – I just can’t. Yesterday, I nearly posted a tirade against #EqualPayDay, which is useless and misleadingly promotes a discrimination issue that isn’t really about discrimination. These links today pushed me over the limit.

We as a country have to start thinking about problems that affect everyone, and individual problems that affect men and women separately. Equality is impossible if we don’t.

I wrote a similar post on my huge problems with the modern feminist movement that I’ll link to here. Enjoy.